Social media, work ethics and resistance

Last week, I had a conversation with my workmates. We discussed our pupils’ habit of interrupting their work to send text messages, play games or use Facebook. We all agreed  

that this habit of constantly wanting to be online, would probably create a bit of tension before the new technology will have adopted to today’s work culture. 

One of my workmates referred to her extra job, where lots of people had regular pauses during work hours  to check their phones for messages etc. Since she had relatives who were entrepreneurs herself, she condemned this habit and my other workmate agreed by nodding. Of course, I opposed and said that it was an obvious thing to do in a stressful work environment.

 In my mind I recalled the resistance towards the the work phase at a warehouse where I worked many years ago. As temp workers we were harassed by management while the workers with steady jobs had an easier situation. However, we tried to take sides with the workers with fixed contracts and managed to take longer brakes by hiding in the bathroom form a while. The workers with fixed contract had arranged one bathroom to be a smoking zone, and the other to be non-smoking. 

I can’t avoid thinking about how we treat the kids at our school, in many ways I have to do the same dirty work as my supervisors did when they checked our work at the warehouse. However, if I don’t  control the kids they wont get any work done, get bad grades which might result in them having trouble getting a job. 

I have discussed these things a lot of times with friends. For a while, I even considered dropping out from my teacher education because of the the disciplinary function of the job. I continued, manly to get a less alienated job than those I had before. I think that an important function a teacher can have, is to create space  for pupils to resist and act collectively to get some more control over their lives. I am not sure exactly how to do this. But I hope I’ll find time to investigate it further on this blog. I’m sorry to say that it might be hard to do it with my workmates, although I really appreciate them on other levels. 

Over and out 

Getting distracted

Negative thoughts again. My best friend tells me to start doing something, and it helps. It helps so much. I start another series of thoughts. Somehow, it’s not good enough I want to crush these thoughts with sheer willpower, but that’s not the way it works. I start planning, I’m doing it now, and it really helps.

A miserable day of nothing

Last Sunday I felt bad. I had no energy and as always I had plenty of work to do. I went on sic-leave for Monday. I managed to organize things with my boss. That wasn’t really the problem, the problem was an empty Monday and agony, a feeling of not being able to do anything productive. I postpone and postpone and postpone things that I should do and end up in apathy.

There are so many things that I want to do, but the lack of energy makes me look into a different direction, a direction that I know has nothing to offer, but I can’t control my mind. It’s destructive and it’s worthless and I hope that tomorrow, I’ll be able to do a little bit more and avoid those fucked up thoughts of destruction.

There is so much to live for, here, in this text my essence comes to life. I know there is a good side in me, and even if there is a darker one I am going to use this blog to strengthen the good side.

Break trough

A miserable morning. Piles of cloths. Piles of dirty dishes. No energy. The incredible enemy is called “not doing”. Lots of things to do.

Then, suddenly, a soft voice. Beautiful landscapes on the TV. Breakfast, and then a change. No judging, and suddenly action. Energy comes back when I find stillness. I can let go and start work.

Procrastination, Buddhism and Revolution

Today I effectively procrastinated by looking at idiotic TV-shows when I was supposed to work. Probably because I was tired, sometimes my energy just escapes. However, I managed to correct a few texts, and I was quite happy with that. Even more important, I avoided blaming myself for my “sinful misconduct” of being unproductive.

I think I’m slowly developing a better approach to myself in these situations. I think this is due to my meditation practice, it might also be that I’m currently liberated from work. I’m really trying to cultivate better ways of dealing with my everyday life, both when it comes to routines and my approach to  my “failures”.

I’m reading “Against the Stream” by Noah Levine at the moment, which is a book about Buddhist mediation, but also a guidebook to become a “spiritual revolutionary” as Noah puts it. It’s a bit pretentious and moralistic in some ways, but it also gives good strategies to handle anger, fear, anxiety and other feelings that might cause suffering. I’ve just read a few chapters and I try to do a critical reading and pick up whatever I like. In fact, Noah encourage the reader to find out for him or herself.  

The sections about meditation and how to relate to one's thoughts and feelings, are really good, while Noah’s comments on “right livelihood” can be very narrow. Apparently, he has been meditating a lot, and managed to change a very difficult life situation with drugs and violence by doing it, so I feel I can trust him on that one. The more political interpretations, where he for instance judges people working at bars for “wrong livelyhood” leaves something to be desired. Noah fails to realise that we’re living in a capitalist society and that we have to relate to world according to that fact.

Hmm I didn’t mean to dig so deep into this.

Anyway, I finished a not so hard day’s work by watching a really good film called Matewan together with a friend. The film is a bit old (1987) a bit old but I can really recommend it. Me and my friend woke up our dreams of solidarity, comradeship and started thinking about new ways to do it in a more collective way.

God night

A few days off

I’m relaxing after a hectic month of work. It has been stressful, to a point where I had to go on sic-leave one day per week. There are so many things to think about, and its hard to catch up once you’re late.

As always, I have high expectations on what I think I’ll be able to do during this week off. Actually, its not even a week’s vacation because we are being forced to go on a conference, and we have an assignment that is due that day.

So, lowering expectations is probably the key to success for these days. I’ve got tons of exams that needs to  be corrected, loads of comments on pupil assignments that needs to be posted, and on the top of that, I need to plan future classes. If I don’t, there will be more stress later on.

Tomorrow, I hope I’ll be able to finish correcting some English exams. I really hope my students won´t ever find this blog, I think they would give me lots of comments on my grammar. Luckily, few people know I’m writing.

One of the many things I hope to achieve this week, is to post on this blog every day. I have also planned to exercise, prepare myself to be a father and practice and read about Buddhist meditation. I´ll keep you updated.

God night my people, god night.

Unpublished posts

I was supposed to proofread this, I was supposed to publish this long ago, but now I do it anyway.  Its from the autumn 2012.

Workblog 

Today I did my first paid day at the new school. It was quite good. We had a meeting with the headmaster, who talked about improving our work without putting in more working hours. I get a good and a bad feeling when I listen to him. 

16/5 

It has been a good but exhausting day. I didn’t sleep enough and I was quite tired when I got to work. We started off with a lecture from our boss, it was partly interesting and partly up tight management crap. 

My workgroup is still really nice, creative openminded and positive. We went for lunch togehter today as well, it was very nice. I also had a talk with the principal about the job oppurtunities for next term. I happends that I have applied for another job at my summer job. He thought it’d bee a bad idea for me to take it. I sort of interpreted it as a kind of a underlying treath, but I’m very sensitive and sometimes, I overinterpret things. 

I also met up with the former Spanish teacher. It seems like there is going to be quite a lot of work, but also a lot of fun. 

17/8

Today I discussed a future project with my workmates. We´re planning a blog project together. Perfect! The mode is really good and everyone is positive. I´ve aslo started a to do list. I hope It´ll make things easier. I really need to find an easy and effecient way to correct my writing. But right now, I can´t find time nor energy. 

22/8 

First meeting with the pupils, a quite nice bunch of people. It takes me a while to learn their names, unfourtunately I was late for one of the classes. I was  talking to a polish support teacher and forgot about time. The principal invited us all for ice cream, very nice. But I do need to get more control. My concious friend told me it was cool though. She has really made an impression on me. Its awesome what people can show during the right circumstances for them. I want more control, and I want to start publishing my posts on the internet and get a proofreader. Soon... soon. 

Tomorrow wer’e going on an excursion with all the 8:graders. Fun, fun fun. Sacrifice, sacrifice. 

25/8 

Today I had my first spanish lessons. It was good fun. Especially the eightgraders were fun. I’ve just spent 48 hours with them at a start up camp which established a good relation. One of my workmates gave me the tip to write up all working hours, to get a grasp about the hours I work. Today I started working half past six. I planned some lessons at the train and then  I’ve been working all day untill four  o’clock, although the last hour I was mostly chatting with my collegues. Nine hours! Probably eight and a half counting the walk to school. Now I’m tired. 

I would like to write about my agony on tuseday morning, about the fun tuseday night, and about the discussions I had with my workmates. I would like to tell you about some of the kids, But I won’t. 

It´s December, the grades are going to be set for all the kids .I feel a bit off track. A still manageble chaos of stuff I have to do is piling up around me. I have managed more than I ever could imagine but there is lots more to do. I have a tight schedule, I have to be effective, but I never plan anything on monday evenings. It´s always a chock to go back to work and I blame myself for waisting time I should be working efficently, but I can´t focus when there is so much around. 

Things become clearer when I speak with my collegues, they share my Monday frustration and agree that its close to imposible to get things done efficently at work. It seems like we waste more energy on blaiming ourselves than to do something constructive. I think its a decease in this profession. Probably in many other as well. 

I hope I get this published.